Category: Parenting

Enjoy your children

Posted on by Michael Wine

Being a parent is best hard job. You get to spend yourself for the good of your kids. And you get to see them grow and become themselves, the result of your hard work and love, and God’s grace.

Parenthood comes with its annoyances, and exhausting moments. But those are all balanced out by a single beautiful hour spent with your kids. Just one hour to take a walk, read a book, or do something together makes up for a day of stress.

There are few things more tragic than a parent who never enjoys his children.

Selfish Usefulness

Posted on by Michael Wine

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

When we try to be useful to other people, in a way that makes us feel valuable, we may actually be the least useful to them.

This is something I have been learning.

Yesterday, my 4 year old son wanted a glass of milk and asked me for it. Normally, I would have poured him a glass, wanting to be a ‘good parent’ but still somewhat begrudging at the interruption.

But this time I didn’t. I decided to not try and be useful to him. And the oddest thing happened inside. I felt like this act that outwardly appeared selfish, was really more loving to my son.

I was suddenly more interested in him than in myself and in feeling like I was doing what I was supposed to do.

I told him to pour himself the milk.

He looked at me curiously, and then he went the fridge. He pulled out the half gallon, got a glass, and poured the milk.

He spilled it, as I knew he would. But he cleaned it up, and in the process spilled it again. Then, he cried, so frustrated. He said he ‘always makes a mess.’ I was able to talk to him calmly about how it’s ok to make messes when we are learning.

He calmed down, cleaned the spilled milk, and was very happy once he had his freshly poured glass. I was happy for him and told him that this was the first time he had ever poured himself a glass of milk.

When we are so focused on proving our own worth, we try too hard to be useful to others. But this usefulness is not really selflessness. It is self-serving. It is how we earn praise from others.

When we refuse the temptation to ‘be useful’ in this way, we are actually more able to really love people in the way that they need, not just the way that they want.

And if we are servants of Christ, shouldn’t we care more about loving people, than proving our own value?

Learning from Little Ones

Posted on by Michael Wine

I love my kids so much. And sometimes, they do strange and annoying things.

If you are a parent, you can probably relate to the experience of finally getting through to your kid and seeing them change a behavior or attitude that was driving you crazy, only to have something new suddenly spring up.

For example, a week or so ago, I noticed this strange phenomenon: At random times of day, I would be walking through the apartment, and notice my things on the ground. These were things I would never put on the ground, like headphones, or a tablet.

For some reason, my kids were putting my expensive stuff on the ground where they could be easily destroyed!

When I asked them why, they said they didn’t know. They were doing it unintentionally, without thinking about it.

After a few days of observation and trying to verbally tell them to not do that, I was fed up and decided on a consequence. I told them if I found any of my things on the ground, and they put it there, I would throw one of their things in the trash. I repeated myself, so they would understand.

I was hoping they would fear losing their things enough to increase their respect and awareness of my things. I was wrong.

Merely a few hours after the warning, I walked out and found my tablet on the ground again. Time to follow through.

I pointed it out with stern expression and voice. They were surprised! One even tried to get out of it by saying, “No that was there before you gave us the warning!” I just said, “Then you should have picked it up.”

We all walked to their room to find a toy to throw away. I told them to pick (not wanting to accidently throw away their favorite toy). They stood in silence and hesitation for minutes. Then, my youngest offered up a green toy truck.

“Are you sure this is the toy you want me to throw away?” I asked.

“No.” He said. He took it back.

Looking around, the youngest again offered the next item. It was a scrap of cardboard. I secretly admired the try.

“No. We can’t throw that away. It’s just trash.” I said. I realized the irony of that statement hours later.

Then my oldest steps up. Leave it to him to find the best qualifying option. I see him go to a corner of the room, reach into the shadows, and pull out the smallest toy possible. I little, 4×4, gray Lego piece as big as the tip of my finger. I forced myself not to laugh or smile at the pained expression on his face.

I went to the trash can and solemnly threw the Lego in to the sound of crying and sobbing from my two boys. It’s amazing how sad they were to lose something so small, a toy played with so seldom that it sat, unused, in the corner of the room for who knows how long.

It made me realize how much we humans feel the pain of a lost opportunity. That little Lego represented the potential of hours of building fun to my kids. Even though they hadn’t even played with that particular piece, and have many more Legos, they still greatly felt the loss of that potential.

This feeling can be both a great driver of action and productivity, as we strive to meet our potential. But it can also be debilitating in the face of wasted potential. As children, we have a good cry about it, and then get back to playing. As adults, we can get bitter, and let that lost potential fester and grow moldy in our souls for years.

I think the children have the better approach. It’s funny how much we can learn from the little ones, even when we are teaching them.

Guarding the young ways

Posted on by Michael Wine

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. Psalm 119:9

To be young, in our world today, is to make mistakes. To fail. In fact, failing is romanticized in our culture.

There is a certain kind of failing that, indeed, leads to learning. Thomas Edison failed countless times before he learned how to make a lightbulb.

The verse above does not say how a youth can keep his way free from all mistakes. It says how to keep his way ‘pure.’ This means clean. Right. Clear.

This is not talking about amoral mistakes like failing a math test . It is talking about keeping one’s life free from moral filth.

Sometimes, our culture seems to blur this distinction, making it seem ‘ok’ for young people to make even moral mistakes, as long as they learn from it. But that, according to our verse, is wrong.

We should hold our youths to this standard; keeping their lives clean for moral filth.

And how is this done?

By guarding it according to God’s word. Guards watch with great attention. They keep people out of the city. They keep people inside the city. They have instructions to follow so that they know who to let in and who to keep out.

There is a stigma these days about sheltering you kids. People don’t like that phrase. But this verse seems to argue in favor of it!

However, there are some key points. First, the guarding or sheltering is ‘according to’ God’s word. It follows God’s plan, not mans’ plan. Some parents shelter their kids too much, beyond what God says.

Second, the person doing the guarding here is the youth, not his parents. This is another mistake of overprotective parents. They try to shelter their kids, without teaching them that it is their responsibility to guard themselves by following God’s instructions.

Finally, this verse contains an amazing promise. God’s word has the power to give someone a life that is free from the moral failings so many of us remember in our past. If only our youth would learn to guard their way by God’s word, they would have a significant advantage in life, and be blessed by God.

Kids are good at learning math

Posted on by Michael Wine

Number Blocks is a great show for teaching young kids about numbers and math. This isn’t a commercial or anything. I am just drinking my coffee and watching the show with Noah. He’s four.

Noah already knows that 1, 4, 16, and 100 are square numbers! Kids are good at learning math if you teach them right.

Any way, if you haven’t already, maybe give it a try with you kids. It’s also on Netflix.

I hope you have a great start to the work week.

The Jesus Storybook Bible

Posted on by Michael Wine

I recently finished reading The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name to my two boys for the second time.

Sally Lloyd-Jones does a fantastic job of telling the major stories of the Bible from both testaments, while weaving a common thread of God’s plan to rescue the world through Jesus.

I loved it for this very reason. It didn’t just tell the stories and leave it at that. They were connected to the larger story.

I found myself being reminded of the grace of God through each story as I read to them. Each story is short and is easy to read as part of a daily routine.

I would recommend it especially for young kids age three to five.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a real blessing.

Posted on by Michael Wine

Psalm 127:3, Good News Translation.

Thank God for my children. What a joy they are! They make me a better version of myself. When I’m with them, I see myself fall short of who I want to be, while at the same time pushing to be better for them.

Young children never stop. Their energy is contagious, and draining. But the draining is the good kind.

My children help me give more of myself. What a blessing indeed. For who wants to reach the end of life, with more of himself left to give?

The Best Thing To Teach Our Kids

Posted on by Michael Wine

My 4 year old son, Caleb, is turning 5 soon. He will be starting kindergarten next month and is so excited!

Today he showed me his new flashcards that he will use to learn numbers (he already knows them…not bragging just the truth). He loves minecraft and robots and trucks and LEGOs.

My 2 year old son, Noah, is a soft-hearted terror half of the time, and a crazy goofball the rest of the time. He loves cuddling, fighting, robots, trucks and LEGOs.

They are so awesome… I can’t believe they are my kids!

Going through a divorce, I thought the hardest part was the initial emotional pain from the loss of the marriage relationship. And it was hard. It was hard like I imagine losing an arm is hard. It’s intense, painful, horrifying. But it’s also over relatively fast.

But there is a different kind of hard that comes when I look at my boys. Being an unmarried co-parent is hard like living every day with only one arm is hard. It never goes away. It never changes. And even in cases where remarriage to another person occurs, those kids will always be affected by the separation of their parents.

Man… it hurts. When Caleb tells me about how we could be together if we just lived in the same house, that hurts. When Noah suddenly cries because he missed his mom, or because he misses me, it hurts too. I want to fix it for them and make it better. I don’t want them to hurt like this.

The hardest thing is knowing that what they need the most, their parents together and loving each other, I cannot give.

But God, in grace does give me a part to play. I can try to be a model for them. A model of coming back from failure? A model of success and power? No.

But I can teach them how to fail. Period. Not the simple mistakes like tripping or getting a math problem wrong. I’m talking about the deep failure we make on a personal level that impacts the way we see ourselves.

I believe that starts with teaching them that I actually do fail. I failed at being a husband, which also means a failure at being a dad. I fail in all sorts of little ways everyday that add up over time. From yelling at them to be quiet (how ironic), to being too tired after work to spend enough time with them.

That means being honest with them and asking for their forgiveness. It means helping them see that they fail all the time too. And that the best response to failure, is to own up to it.

This is not enough, though. After the failure, you have to also have grace. The grace of God in Christ’s death and resurrection is the only lasting solution to my failure because it allows me to exchange my brokenness with Jesus’ perfection. I can wear his failure-free record like a garment even as he takes on the nails of my own sin.

This righteousness is ‘other.’ It didn’t come from me. But it was given to me as a free gift. Even though I never earned it, it is fully mine as I receive it by faith.

This is the most valuable thing anyone can pass on to their children.